Alternate Interpretations
by Ahxis
Summary: I don't believe in things like heroes and knights. Light and Shadow is too vague..And I don't want to think about what side I might have fallen on.
1. Soul on Ice

Author's Note: Well well, what is this. This is when characters actually speak with me. _This _is when I actually _want _to write a story, and don't feel like it's simply an _obligation. _

This is actually just me trying to get back into the sway of writing. So please forgive me if it doesn't flow correctly, or something. I'm trying..

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><p>"I think that in another universe, Sora could be a hero. And if Sora is a hero, then Roxas would be the knight that fights in the shadows."<p>

"What?"

My eyes shot over to the redhead beside me, who was currently staring out at the sunset. She was a petit girl whose eyes seemed to reflect the wonders of the world – that sounds like something a romantic would say, but that's not exactly how I meant it. She's seventeen, but sometimes you could never guess. Not if you're looking at the right places.

"Well…think about it. Sora is Light. He wants to help everyone in any way that he can, and people love him for being like that. He's our little ball of energy that would sacrifice everything he is for the people he cares about, while also doing what is right. He just…naturally settles into the position."

"And you wouldn't be saying this at all because you think of him as your own prince charming, now would you? Romanticizing him," I say, and she laughs out a quiet little chuckle while I find myself smiling. She shakes her head slightly and turns her head up to the sky, like she's waiting for something to appear. Maybe she is.

"Well…maybe a little bit. But you can't deny that it makes sense. Sora is Sora, and that's the kind of person he is. I'm…sure he'd be the first that would come and save me when I'm in trouble."

"And how does Roxas fit into this?"

Her smile widens a little bit, and she turns her head back down to gaze out at the city panned out in front of us. Everything seemed orange—orange and red in this town. Twilight Town earned its name appropriately…a city basked in the flames of the sun.

"Well…if Sora is the sun, then Roxas would be the moon. They're both so strong – they just go about their actions in different ways. While Sora's out on the surface with his actions broadcasted for the world to see, Roxas would be working towards the goal in secret—supporting Sora from the shadows. But like Sora, he'd be a savior. A knight that prefers secrecy over recognition," She pauses for a second and lets out another small laugh, "And it fits, because Roxas never liked attention anyway."

We sit there for a little bit in silence, both of us gazing out at the horizon in front of us. For a while, there's no use for words since our company is enough. Sometimes I wonder how we got to this point where we are able to just sit here in comfortable silence, but then again, it must just be her. Hell, if I'm going to play along with this make-believe world she's thought up…she'd be the fucking princess. That goddamn princess that deserves so much more, but doesn't think so. The princess that's…

"Hah. Too bad that's not the kind of world we live in, Kairi. It would be nice, though. If…we could count on them to be the saviors."

Kairi's quiet for a moment, and she closes her eyes while folding her hands into her lap. And here's the kicker – she's smiling again. That same, gentle half-smile that makes it look like the world was just painted as a backdrop to shine behind her. She's looks like an angel. And at the moment, I hate angels.

"That's…not true," she says quietly, hesitantly. "I'm the one who can't be saved this time. Sora might be a hero, but even heroes have limits as to what they can and cannot do. But you, Axel…you have a chance. You've always had a chance. And I think that maybe, someday, you could be saved if you let it happen. You deserve it."

I snort, laughing out loud at her statement. If I were with anyone else, they might think that I was being rude. But because it's her, she knows it's not directed to her. So she sits there, just listening, waiting, like the patient and quiet princess she is.

We shouldn't be friends. There is no reason for us to be. But somehow, she clicks with me just like she clicks with everyone else, and this is the only time that we are able to get along together. Because we're all so different when we act with a group of people. Or maybe I just am. Maybe I'm just a hypocrite.

But here, just here, we can be real. She can let out what she's thinking, and I…I can pretend that I actually have a heart to feel with. I can pretend, just for a little but, that I'm a human that is worthy.

* * *

><p>Kairi died a week later.<p>

Chemo was expensive, and her family was done providing for it. So when she came out of remission, she had no chance. It's a fucked up thing to think about, that her of all people had to die. Not that I'm saying she's better than anyone but…she just didn't deserve it. It wasn't fair, none of it was. But even at the hands of death, she was graceful.

Sora was crushed; I don't blame him though. He had to sit there and pretty much watch his girlfriend deteriorate one day at a time…And watching someone deteriorate is probably somewhere on the same level of suck as attending a fucking funeral.

And two guesses as to where I am now. First one doesn't count.

"What's the point of this, anyway? She's dead, and it's not like she's going to see this. So why have a funeral? Kairi didn't even _want _one."

I roll my eyes and glance at Xion, the girl who's currently glaring at the casket at the front of the rows of seats. I feel like that maybe in another life we could have been friends, but here I can only see her as a 'not-kairi.' That's probably a really mean thing to think, and it's not like I'm looking _for _her to replace her sister, but it's just how she strikes me as.

"We're here because funerals are for those who are left behind," I say off hand, turning my attention back to the priest who was currently reading some passage from the bible. It's a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. What the fuck is the point of quoting shit from an old book? I might as well go up there and start reading shit off from _Harry Potter. _

Is it obvious where my religious beliefs lie? Yeah. Screw the bible, but maybe for Kairi, I'll almost-pretend there's a Heaven.

"Well aren't you the philosophical one here today," she replies with sharply, but immediately after sighs. Xion's different from Kairi in the way that you can't always tell what she's thinking, which makes her a great liar. It's her thing, imitating things she believes will help her get somewhere. Or help her fit in. Because Kairi was the one everyone liked, and Xion was the double that was a little on the crazy side. No, really.

I really don't want to be here. Sora just walked up to say something and…

No, fuck this, I'm not staying here.

I'm already standing up and walking out of the small garden this thing is being hosted in, what with all these fucking pink-and-white flowers, and heading off towards god knows where. I can feel people's eyes on me as I walk, and shit, can't they look elsewhere? It's not that it bothers me, but it's just annoying. Can't they find something better to gaze at right now? So sue me, I don't want to listen to a sob story from the boyfriend/best friend.

And god knows who else. I certainly don't care to hear either way.

Before I realize it, my feet are taking me up towards the clock tower that's in the middle of town. It's a huge building, and you'd honestly think that they would keep such a towering building locked so that children couldn't get up there and "hurt themselves." Hah, as if they ever need special ways to get into trouble. Either way, the gate to the stairs is easy enough to jump over, so up I go.

Kairi's still on my mind, and I sort of want her to go away. Those who are dead should leave the living be, instead of letting lingering memories haunt them.

So fucking lame. I need to get my head out of my ass before I hurt myself with all this wanna be…"philosophical" crap, as Xion so kindly put it.

But before I realize it, I'm up there, and the city suddenly looks so small. Standing over the edge like I have so many times before seems almost surreal, and I don't even know why.

Maybe it's because this was where Kairi and I first came to a mutual friendship agreement. Maybe it's because the town seems a little less vibrant without its main character. Fuck, maybe I'm just out of my fucking mind right now, and I'm the one that's seeing things wrong. I wonder, if I fell from this height, would it fix my eyes? My brain?

"You look like you're about to jump. You'll dirty the streets."

I turn around so fast that I almost do lose my footing, and my heart flutters from the brief scare. A bit behind me and to my left leaning against the wall is Roxas, and I release the breath that I didn't know I'd been holding.

"Heh, y'know. Just thinkin' about giving it a bit of my 'personal flare.' It needs it, don't you think?" I grin at him and he takes a few steps forward so that he's beside me, but not quite up on the ledge like I am. He's staring out at the sunset neutrally, and I'm suddenly wondering what's going on behind those eyes of his. I can never tell what's being reflected.

"It doesn't need it. Shouldn't you be at Kairi's funeral?"

He has his hand shoved into the pockets of his sweatshirt, and he's still not looking at me. "I was. But I left when Sora went up there to gush about his dead girlfriend. Not interested in hearing people's sob story," I say, and turn my gaze back out towards the city. "I don't recall seeing you there at all."

From beside me I can hear Roxas chuckle, and hear the shuffling of cloths; when I glance down at him, he has seated himself on the edge of the building where I'm currently standing. "That's because I was never there," he says rather lightly, "I'm not interested in funerals at all. The last thing I want is for my last memory of a friend to be them lying there, dead, in a casket while people are weeping at the mere thought of her."

"Is that what Sora has been doing?"

Roxas looked at me and gave a rather dry smile while drawing his knees up to his chest. "Yeah. It's like everything reminds him of her."

Of course it does. That was his girlfriend, and even before that, best friend since…how long? Probably since they were kids, given how close they've been and how Kairi would talk about them. I can't say I'm surprised.

"I can't blame the guy. But it's not like I understand it, either," I say, exhaling as I lower myself down and sit beside him. "I wouldn't know what it's like to lose someone that important to you. But I can imagine it would be somewhere near devastating."

Roxas peers at me through half-lidded eyes hidden behind his hair, and I sigh. What a situation.

"I wonder how it felt. To die."

"What?" I say, slightly caught off-guard. What does it feel like to die? Fuck if I know. But he's looking for an answer…

"What it's like to die. What do you think? And spare any religion bull. I'm not interested, and I've heard it enough."

I laugh at that and shake my head; good to know he hasn't completely shut down. "Well, it's not like I would know. But maybe it would be like…-"

_Like burning. Perishing through the flames, but it's okay, because you know things will be better now even though you regret—_

"Axel?"

"Hu-what?" I blink repeatedly through the mist that has covered my eyes and place a hand over my chest—and I'm relieved when I feel the irregular _ba-dum ba-dum _pulsing within my chest. My heart's racing, but it's still there. It's still there…

Of course it's still there. What the fuck am I thinking.

"You just – you started hyperventilating or something! Jackass, you almost fell off of the damn clock tower!"

I furrow my brow and frown slightly as my vision starts to become a bit more clear, and I notice that I'm no longer sitting at the edge, but rather I've been pulled back to lean against the tower itself. The next thing I notice is that Roxas is kneeling next to me and glaring, and it's funny, because there's probably nothing going on behind those eyes of his.

What a fucked up thing to think. I thought my friend was without expression. That's how I am, not him…

"Haha; my bad. I'm fine now. Maybe the stress was getting to me, or something…"

Yeah. Stress. More like it felt like my whole body was coming apart from the molecular level.

"..Are you sure," Roxas mutters quietly, and the way he's staring at me bothers me. With the way the light is playing against us, it looks like his eyes are shifting colors and it's giving the illusion that he can see what I'm thinking. Like he knows something.

"Positive."

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>I have a vague idea of what this is/might be.

But I have no clue who Roxas is right now. Axel's sort of in there, and everyone else is trying to slide in, but Roxas isn't showing himself.

(Kairi's like a morality pet of sorts. Axel's really smart, but he doesn't like to show it. He likes his attitude better. But that's all I'll say there.)

Anywho, I hope you liked it! More to come hopefully soon; If there are any mistakes, please tell me and I'll fix them as soon as possible. Constructive criticism shall be taken with grace.

(So will flames but...shh. That takes away from their fun.)


	2. Fading, Gaining

**A/N:** _[Start]_

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><p><strong>Axel<strong>

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><p>"Hey, Axel, come on in – the place is pretty empty now."<p>

Xion stepped to the side of the open door to let me in, and I slid beside her with a muttered 'thanks.' Why the hell was I over here, I wonder. Xion wasn't a friend, but wasn't an enemy, and I knew her too well to call her an acquaintance. Again, she couldn't fit into anything real.

"I'm not really surprised you're over here," she says, plopping down next to me on the couch, "Roxas came over here a day or so ago." Roxas? Right…he would come over sometimes to listen to Xion's "Knowledge," namely, what her "voice" has to say. Roxas was weird like that, but he and Xion had been friends before I was introduced to the 'group.' Maybe that was why.

"Huh, really? What did he come over here for?"

She's quiet for a moment – contemplative – and the way she's looking at the ceiling makes her look like Kairi. Fuck. She's doing that on purpose, because she turns to me and gives me that smile that makes me want to hug her, because it's so empty. But I don't do hugs, and I know Xion is strong, so I stay where I am.

"The same thing he always stops by for. He seemed upset, though. Very uncharacteristic of him, but very like him."

"What did you talk about?"

I don't even bat an eye at her choice of words anymore. Him but not him. According to Xion, we all had a double. I used to think she was talking about reincarnation, but she quick to tell me that wasn't the case. To her, we each had another counterpart, in an alternate world. If all else fails, I think she could be a fantasy writer.

However, on the subject of Roxas, of course he was upset. It has already been a month since Kairi died, but from the glimpses I've seen of Sora, it doesn't seem he's acknowledged the passing of time. It looks like death walking, and the fact that he's always clinging off of that prick Riku's arm, I don't really blame him.

"Hearts, actually. About where his might be."

Xion's hands are folded carefully over her lap as she turns to look at me, her eyes betraying her tone. That's not our Xion. It's the 'other' one – the voice that usually stays well hidden within the confides of her brain.

"Good to see you again," I say, and she smiles sadly at me. I don't know why, but whenever I talk to not-Xion, she looks sad. It's not like I exactly care, but it's unsettling. I'm not used to seeing Xion look so broken, since she usually matches Kairi in terms of…perky-ness.

"It's…good to see you too, Axel. I'm glad I could see both again." Her gaze lingers on me for a moment longer before turning away, staring out in front of her. "Roxas…was here to talk about you. But…he just looked sad this time. Did…something happen?"

I sighed, and leaned back fully on the couch. "What did he say? And, no, nothing happened. He's probably just upset that he has to deal with Sora on a daily basis," again, she flinches a little at the brunette boy's name, "so it's only natural that he would be a little screwy."

"No, it wasn't because of Sora…I think…Axel, do you really not remember me?"

Xion's looking at me with this broken look, and I don't know why she thinks she knows this other "me." I wonder how she came to be like this, anyway. I asked Kairi once, but she just shrugged and told me that some things just happen without a reason because they don't need one. Ironically, Xion doesn't think she "met" Kairi in that other world, but she did exist.

"No, Xion. I don't know you. And I think you know where I stand on all of this."

She lets out a dry laugh and turns away from me, staring at the ground again. Fuck, I probably hurt her feelings.

"Right…Of course, Axel. Roxas is the only one who believes me, anyway. And Kairi, too. But that doesn't really count anymore, because she's gone."

"Xion, what kind of life do you think you had?"

She smiles again and leans back in the chair as well, but this time not looking at me. I know she caught the way I worded that, but she'll choose to ignore it because she just likes to be acknowledged. I'll happily oblige, because while I don't really agree with everything, it's interesting for a story.

"The answer won't change, Axel. You me and Roxas were…friends. As close as people could get without having hearts of our own."

"You hesitated on the word 'friends.' Did something happen?"

I don't know why I asked, but I'm suddenly morbidly curious because I can't help but feel like I should know something. "There was a fight," she says, "between all of us. It wasn't…big, but we had…opposing views to things. I left our group, and then –"

At that moment the doorbell rings, and Xion's instantly off the couch. Roxas is standing there in the doorway, and when he looks at me, I suddenly want to hit him. I don't know what he did. But he did something, and I can't believe he _did _it.

_He betray you. He left you there. You and he let you _**burn.**

"Axel?"

It's normal-Xion speaking again, and I still haven't broken eye contact. But this time, I don't say anything and I just get up, brush past the blond, and exit the building.

_You're just going to let him go? He made you _suffer!_ Even though you tried so hard for him, he couldn't even remember your name!_

"Axel!"

Roxas's voice. Fuck, fuck. I don't want him near me right now. I don't want to see him. He's throwing fire in my chest with his voice and his eyes and it makes me want to scream. Why is he _following _me now?

It doesn't take long before he's managed to catch up to me, grabbing my arm and stopping me just as I had entered one of the tunnels I use as a shortcut to get home. In response, I turned around and jerked my arm away from him and _glared. _That's right, ladies and gentlemen. The passive jerk _glared. _

Roxas stumbled back a few steps, just staring at me like he's seen a ghost. "You…Axel," he starts, and before he can say another word I'm spitting out "No shit, good to know you finally learned my name," and he cowers back again before regaining composure and standing strong.

"It wasn't my fault I forgot."

He's standing there with this calculating expression, like he's _studying _me. As if he has the right to—

"But it was your fault you _left,_" I spit, suddenly throwing him back up against one of the walls and keeping my arm against his throat. I'm mad. I'm pissed. There's _fire _and I just want to

"Heh..ha ha..HAHAHA! You don't even know what you're talking about! Are you even in there, _Axel_? Or are you just moving on _auto-pilot _from stagnant memories you can't control?"

Roxas continues chuckling under my grip, and I'm still fuming. _Crush himCRUSHHIMCRUSHHIM!_

He's shoved me from his grip, and I can't – even – think. This is, this is…What am I…?

"Next time, open your eyes and stop running."

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><p><strong>Roxas<strong>

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><p>"Thanks for picking us up, Saix. I wasn't really willing to leave him lying in the ally way while I went to pick up my car to drag him home."<p>

"It's fine. I was close to your location anyways."

"..."

Roxas shifted in his seat, eyes fixated on the ground. He felt uncomfortable here. Saix and Axel shared a small loft, and it wasn't unusual for Roxas to pop in every once in a while. It's just, when he did, it was usually when Axel was here alone and Saix was out doing…other things.

And it's not like he really had a problem with Saix either. In fact, they got along pretty well, all considered. He didn't talk a lot, so it made it easier for Roxas to follow the flow. Unlike Axel, who seemed to be changing his opinion and the content of the conversation every five seconds.

It was just, right now, it wasn't exactly a social visit and he knew that. Once Axel collapsed in front of him, his first impulse was to leave him there. But he wasn't a monster—not really, at least. Had the redhead not bolted so far away from Xion's house, he would have just run back, jumped in his car, and dragged Axel to his place since he knew Sora would be at Riku's house again tonight. He thought about just calling Xion, but there were some things he didn't want to have to talk with here about that would have surely come up had he made the call.

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that this wasn't an ideal situation either. No, he wasn't in trouble, but that didn't stop something from pecking at his nerves. Saix was in the kitchen right now making coffee for himself(how he drank the stuff, he would never understand,) and would be done soon. And then would come the questions.

Sighing, Roxas twisted the lid off his bottled water he had received and took a small drink—he wasn't thirsty, so it was one of those small ones that you take just because the thing was in your hand. After twisting the lid back on the thing, he started to pick off the label that surrounded the plastic container. It was a stupid habit he picked up god-knows where, and now he seemed to do it with every water bottle he has.

"Sorry to keep you waiting."

Glancing up, Saix has strolled back into the living room area holding a cup of vanilla smelling coffee. Internally, it made him laugh, because the first thing he associated the smell with was those cappuccino-things he always saw girls drinking in the café.

"Not a problem."

He sat down in the plush chair that was across from the couch he was on; a medium sized glass table being the main thing that separated them. Roxas watched as Saix took a sip from his glass before setting a coaster down on the table and putting his cup down onto it.

"I did as you requested and kept quiet in the car. But now that you're here, I'm going to have to ask you what happened to Axel."

He had one leg crossed over, and his elbow was leaning on the arm of the chair with his face resting against his palm. He looked intimidating, especially with the scar that crossed his face. Commanding.

Roxas sighed again. "I went to go see Xion. Didn't know he was there, and when she opened the door and he saw me, he bolted. I chased after him, caught him, and.." He frowned, pausing for a moment as he narrowed his eyes at the ground.

"And?" Saix mimicked.

"And he reacted. He shoved me back, pinned me to the wall and gave me a piece of his mind."

Roxas pinched the bridge of his nose at the memory and shook his head. _Yeah, a great piece of his mind..._

"What did he say?"

He actually grinned at that, though it was more of a bitter smirk when he turned his gaze up to the blue haired man sitting across from him.

"He said that it was my fault."

Saix's eyes hardened at that, and he leaned up; staring Roxas straight in the eye now. "And what exactly was your fault, Roxas?"

He laughed at that. Roxas actually laughed, a small chuckle evolving into a full blown bitter fit.

"That I left. That it was _my fault _that I _left_!" Roxas grinned, and his voice lowered to its normal pitch as he hung his head down; the top fringes of his hair falling down to eclipse his eyes before taking a deep breath. "And I lost myself when he said that. For a moment. For a second. For long enough."

Roxas heard Saix rise from his seat and make his way over to him, noticing that he stopped right beside the chair he was sitting in.

"Were this another time, I might try to rub salt into that fresh wound. But as it is, I'll leave you to your own thoughts. I still understand very well how to recognize an injured heart, so I see no need to further your suffering. There are no sides here, in this life. It would be best if you try and forget the incident happened, and act as if it never happened."

And with that, Saix continued up the stairs where Axel lay sleeping. _Forget it ever happened. What lovely wording he has. As if I haven't had to live enough lives built on lies. _Saix knew he betrayed Axel, betrayed him. Betrayed our cause. He remembered the past life that was very much real, just like Xion did. Quite a few people remembered – Larxene, Demyx, Marluxia, Zexion...He wasn't sure if Somebodies like Sora or Riku remembered. He doubted Sora did just by the way he acted. That wasn't the Hero he had been forced to become.

He didn't really know, but he sort of liked it that way. All he wanted was to forget.

From upstairs, he heard the quiet murmuring of a voice—two of them. Axel was up. And Roxas didn't exactly feel like speaking with him right now; he didn't want to have to feed him more lies, not now anyways. But how he was, he didn't want to be alone...

Quietly, Roxas stood up and made his way to the front door and opened it; shutting it quietly behind him in hope to slip by unnoticed. He made his way to his car and slid inside it, for the moment just staring blankly out the front window. There weren't many places he could go here, so he decided to go back to Xion.

It was weird—he still felt close to her. Xion had managed to become someone, but since she wasn't ever 'real', even by Nobody standards, her consciousness split. She had her personality here, and the one from our 'alternate reality,' Two completely different people in one body. Her memories didn't meld together like the rest of ours did. She was special.

Turning the key into the ignition, he started the car and made way for her house. _This is stupid, _he thought bitterly. _Why am I going there in the first place? I don't need her._

"_You're lying to yourself...She was your friend, and you know that. She still is, you don't need to deny it." _

"_Hah! Yeah, and you killed her. `Ya think she forgot that? Get real." _

Roxas just grimaced in his seat, unconsciously pushing harder onto the gas pedal. Yeah, he wasn't exactly right in the head either.

It tends to happen when you've technically been split apart three times in some other universe, and had them all shoved back into the person of this universe.

Ventus to Vanitas, then slammed back together. Then to Sora. Then to Roxas. Then back to Sora.

Then to Him, here.

Roxas laughed again, shaking his head as he stared out into the road ahead of him. "What kind of fucked up world do we live in...I wonder."

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><p><strong>AN: **_[Reload]_


End file.
